YOU'RE AWFUL, I LOVE YOU!

My dogs love Ludo. So do my husband and I. They will be back here on the 28th, and dammit, this time we are going.
Can you believe that I had the chance to meet them last summer and passed it up, because I "was fat." Yeah.
In fact, I have missed out on, oh, most of my life due to "being fat."
This from someone who has not once been technically overweight.

Anyway. My first class was uneventful. It snowed a whole 1/4 inch, so of course like good suburban St. Louisans, people freaked out and left the H3s at home. Seriously. This is NOT snow. I like the cold weather. It feels better, and it is easier to dress with class. Why people take "hot, humid weather" as an excuse to dress like slobs, I have no idea. I want long, elegant coats. All year long. Not cut off jeans, shirts cut down to the waist (men), and stupid sun visors. Not looking like a tourist in your own town.
According to Self magazine (not that I take Self very seriously, but still) we are the third unhealthiest city in the United States. Add this to the "fourth most dangerous" city in the United States. HOORAY!! Miss Cynical says: Move here if you have a ridiculous baseball obsession, but be prepared to become an overweight smoker with cancer and get robbed, raped, and shot.

Sorry. I just hate that so many people read stuff like that and then envision this horrible Midwestern city full of slobs with cigars and Cardinals t-shirts and Big Gulp cups. (Not saying a lot of the city residents aren't like that. Just not all.) I mean, I have spoken with people who have never been here, and they actually said "OMG, isn't that where people get shot??!?"
Um. People get shot anywhere that irresponsible people have guns. Okay?
Now that that is cleared up, I resent the thought that all of us here are some fashion-challenged hicks with no clue how to dress. (Again, a lot of people here are, but so many are NOT.)
The other day I was at the gym, and surprise surprise, my ipod lost charge (I am terrible at remembering to charge it.) I grabbed a gossip rag and in the back was this quote from Alexander McQueen:
"I always liked the idea of people in the Midwest wearing my clothes."
The way the magazine framed it made him sound very condescending and sarcastic. I was adamant that I would not spend a dime on his Target line.
However, I did a search and found this article and it seems that the magazine just screwed it up (or more likely, purposely took out the one part that could be misconstrued.) Maybe I will give his line at Target a chance. Maybe.
So, back to my point: Just because I live in the most dangerous, least healthy city in the US does not mean that I am unhealthy and unsafe. It all makes me almost want to stick up for this place. Sure, I hate it here, but trust me, it could be worse.
*Oh, and I just glanced at Self again. We got number one for "unhealthiest eaters." No comment. What else would you expect from a city that was not satisfied with white-flour pasta stuffed with beef and god-knows-what-else? No, they had to "invent a new dish" by deep frying it. Jesus. *

I got from Ludo (who is, by the way, a local band) to Pilates class, to snow, to local "fashion" or lack thereof, to Self magazine's stupid ratings, to toasted ravioli (which is a stupid name since it is deep fried.) I really wish I had something awesome to put here at the end, like a photo of me eating "toasted ravioli" with Ludo, but I don't eat that crap and I haven't (yet?) met Ludo, so I can't. I can, however, post an old photo of my real live rockstar friend Pete, hours before he ate some toasted ravioli while I sipped a smuggled-in bottle of Voss water. Enjoy:

Ugh, god, I blame the PR guy's camera. UGH!

INTERESTING

Apparently, we live in the fourth most dangerous city in America:

"CQ Press has published its rankings for 2008. The most dangerous cities are New Orleans, followed by Camden, N.J., Detroit (last year's No. 1), St. Louis, Oakland, Flint, Mich., Gary, Ind., Birmingham, Ala., Richmond, Calif., and North Charleston, S.C."

Interesting. I feel annoyed (car break-ins) and frustrated, but not unsafe. I walk alone at night a lot, and sure, every once in a while my ears prick up, but generally, I feel safe enough to wander outside after midnight with headphones on and nothing but my keys and my running shoes.

Likely it's because the city is so different from area to area. I mean, certain areas may be dangerous, but I find that the areas I have inhabited are pretty safe. And I have lived in several parts of the city. Annoying neighbors who beat each other up? Sure, in some places. Drugs? Oh, yeah. But fear of rape and murder? Not where I have lived.

This all has a point.
Ever since I came back here in 2000 (1? I have a hard time remembering it all now...) I have wanted to leave again. I hate to bad-talk this place, but I dislike it intensely. I don't "fit in". Not in a "I'm such a loser outsider" way, but in an "I'm not into baseball and I hate summer and by interests are better served elsewhere" way.

I left Colorado years ago because I had to. Or so I thought. I was in a relationship that had gone south quickly, I had a great job but lived in an area where waiting lists for apartments were years long, and I was 20 years old. I was scared.

So I came back here, tried to go back to school, and basically, my life went to hell.

But that isn't the point here.

I have been back to Colorado five times since I moved back here. Each time, I feel a little sadder when I leave. As I drive up 70 towards Summit County, it's like I am home. I can finally breathe, and I realize I have been holding my breath all along.

And I am scared that I will never get out of here.

So my idea for the coming year is simple: I need to change my lifestyle just a bit so that I pay off every debt I have. I have to make something of myself, whether it is teaching a lot of Pilates or finally just writing that novel or bartending...I don't care, I have to do something. Because I want to move. No, I NEED to move.

Crime stats or not, I think that everyone has a place that feels like home. A lot of times, this isn't where we actually live. That makes me sad. I believe fully in "the power of place" and feel like where we live affects our health, our children's/pets' health, our happiness, and our ability to achieve things.

I know it will be difficult, but I need to try harder to make this happen. I know that all four of us (!) will be so much happier somewhere else.
I resolve to pay off all my debt before July 2010.
That starts in January 2009.
In the meantime, it's time for a big spending binge!

I know, I know. I'm so predictable.

MAD

Seriously, what is wrong with this city?
It is the middle of November, and I have not been able to wear a single coat yet!
(If you haven't noticed, I have a coat obsession.)
Just another reason to hate it here.
Ben and I are moving (1.5-2 years or so from now, depending) and have been trying to decide between my old town in Colorado, or Portland, Oregon. This is another point for Colorado. I want cold. COLD COLD COLD. I hate hot, I hate humidity, I HATE it. Really. I don't much like summer. It makes me want to sit inside in the air conditioning all day. UGH.

In other news, I just made a HUGE score on ebay:

The Nanette Lepore Secret Lover coat!
Sometimes I love eBay. Sometimes I hate it. I hate fakes. But that is another post entirely:)