Sunday, June 7, 2009

this blog will be disappearing

please read the little disclaimer about my will be much appreciated!

Saturday, April 25, 2009


as much as i love to write, and as much as i want to start a new blog, i have a few "life messes" i need to clean up first.

i don't want to pay for web hosting if i am in a position where writing is difficult for me. i don't want to take on more than i can handle.

i created another blogger page at myjuicylittlesecret

i would love for you to follow, but be warned that it may be graphic (body and health-wise, not XXX graphic!) and you may completely disagree with much that you read. i need to be me, and say what i feel, and not worry about pissy comments or lectures. oh, yeah...i love love LOVE comments, but don't need lectures. guess what? i have spent my 20's listening to lectures, and it has gotten me nowhere....well, somewhere worse than i ever have been. so i'm trying to keep this thing positive.
also, it may be boring to some of you...juice fasting? juice diaries? woo-hoo, FUN!!!

anyway...that is where i will be, for the next while at least. even if i get zero followers, i will be updating often, to keep myself accountable.

Sunday, April 19, 2009


I am working on designing/executing my new (and much improved) blog, but until then, find me at:


(if you don't use tumblr yet, sign up. it is very addictive!)

grace in small things:


(i am trying to update more often)

and check back for more blog info soon!!!!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Hello out there in blog-land!
I am working on a TON of personal projects right now, so please bear with me and be patient. My new blog will come soon, I promise. I am most likely going to buy a domain of my own, and I know that will take time since if I have to be stuck with a domain name, I need it to be beyond perfect! It will probably have a few ad links (but only good stuff, I spam, no pop-ups, no random junk that has nothing to do with me or my readers!) and quite a few other fun things as well.
Again, the time-wasting part is going to be me making the final decisions on content/theme and domain name...I need to find something and STICK.

I'm excited to say that right now I am giving my characters some major identities for my novel. I am a firm believer that characters matter most...shallow, flat, or unrealistic characters make me put a book down faster even than bad grammar/editing. Faster than a slow story line, even! I have to at least KNOW, if not like or identify with, these people. The best novels are the ones that make me sad when I finish the last page, because suddenly, all my "new friends" are gone forever.

I have to go actually work know, the stuff that pays the bills. Yikes!

Monday, April 13, 2009


I really haven't been posting here very much. It's been very intermittent. I am not living up to my promises (my Crap Jobs Tuesday, my Sunday Confession) and I haven't said hello or left comments for...well, anybody, really.
I've been feeling pretty lost, and feeling like this has just turned into a place for me to bitch and whine about the stupid parts of my life (guess what? everyone else has a job, and a family...why would anyone want to read about mine?) so it is time (soon!) to move on. I am planning to start a new blog elsewhere, as soon as I get a central theme set in stone. I'll definitely post the address here, so my (few) readers can follow (if you want!)

In the meantime, I am finally (finally, as in, after more than 10 years) starting in on a novel. As silly as that sounds (doesn't everyone say they are going to write "a novel") it finally feels right. The other day, I was at work, bored and frustrated that I could not come up with an idea that really was original (I could have written a novel years ago with the same plot as that "17 Again" movie that is coming out...why didn't I? Um, laziness, I guess), that wasn't cheesy as all hell (then again, many authors of many cheesy books have enjoyed bestseller status and movie versions), or that didn't bore me after a few chapters (ADD, I guess). I started writing a list of words and the feelings that those things, or even just those words, evoked, and remembered something that happened a few years ago, and suddenly, the entire framework of a story appeared on my sparkly pink notebook.
I'm sure I will probably throw small pieces of it up on (which I will keep up, and hopefully update if you like to read fiction at all, please follow or I will get discouraged and bored and stop posting there) but I will throw them in the mix, so nobody really realizes that they are tiny parts of the novel (for several reasons).
I realized a few things: one, I spent WAY too much time worrying about genre (if I go with psychological suspense/mystery, can I cross over to something else later?) and kind of overlooked the fact that I can combine a few "genres" and come up with something infinitely better than if I tried to stay within boundaries; two, I have to be somewhat organized but let myself write parts as they come to me without worrying about chronology until I get closer to finishing.
So there. Hopefully in the next few weeks, I will have something new up and running, and I will start posting on again.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


Nope, not the kind they tell you to follow when you are still young and hopeful.

The creepy kind you have at night. The haunting kind that stay with you all day, not because they were nightmares, but because they left some sort of weird impression on you.

I often have dreams that just won't let me wake up-the sort that continue on, even after you have half woken up and hit the snooze button.

I'm not sure why I had the dream I had last night, but it might have something to do with the
picture of Scott Pilgrim and Ramona Flowers doing the Charleston that I am currently using as my desktop. It wasn't even a particularly creepy or special dream, but it stuck in my head as important or significant in some way.

I was some kind of professional dancer, and my partner (who was also my teacher and quite possibly a lover) was some sort of modern-day Fred Astaire. Very, very famous. I was finally going to perform with him in a real show, one that people paid to come see. I was stuck in my old high school building for some reason, and I was running late. When I got there, I put on my costume and looked in the mirror--I looked just like Holly Golightly.

I'm still sitting here trying to figure out why I remembered this dream out of the thousands that I am sure I have, and why it is stuck in my mind. Anybody have any weird dreams they feel like sharing?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


I have the weirdest memory.
There are 1,834,283 thoughts running through my head at any given moment, so I like to write things down. I do this on random scraps of paper, Post-Its (more on my Post-It obsession some other time), or in a daily planner on the corresponding day. Then, I continue to write it over and over again on each day (or week) until I take care of it, or decide it really isn't Important anymore.
Usually, however, I think of things (Important Things!) at inopportune times, and have to devise ways to remember said Things until I can get somewhere and write them down. This sometimes entails chanting in my head, or making up a cute song or poem to sing/recite to myself until I get a pen and paper in hand. Sometimes, this involves sending myself an e-mail from my phone. (I am NOT texting and driving! I am e-mailing myself IMPORTANT THINGS! ...Like "go tanning." Er. Anyway.)
Today, I was in yoga. Class was going by pretty slowly, and we were on what is basically the first posture, and I looked down at my toes (I had to; I was preparing to press my face into my shins) and thought "UGH! Someone needs a pedicure!" I spent the rest of class saying "feet, feet, feet, feet, feet, feet" in my head, and falling out of postures because instead of thinking about the muscles I was supposed to use, I was thinking "feet, feet, feet."
I finally got home and wrote "pedicure" on my planner, but I doubt I'll actually do it anytime soon. I tend to ruin pedicures from my constant yoga/working out, and I have given up on trying to grow my toenails out for that elusive French pedicure. Not going to happen. At least not if I ever have to stand, walk, or wear shoes. *sigh*
One look at my planner and you will see that I am somewhat of a procrastinator. At least, on paper. See, I tend to expect waaaaaaaaaaay too much out of one day. Work 7 hours, work out 2.5 hours (plus the extra hour spent waiting for yoga to start and showering off the sweat afterwards), play with puppies, prepare meals, check e-mail, pick up some grapefruit, clean the kitchen, get gas...and this is before I do anything that isn't day-to-day, normal stuff. So really, the fact that little words like "pedicure" and "mend sweaters" and "return shoes" recur on the pages of my planner are not testament to my tendency to procrastinate, but more proof that I am busy and I expect too damn much out of myself (we won't go into the fact that a few short years ago, I was seemingly a cyborg or at the very least, a superhero, and could do all sorts of things on no sleep and never get tired. what happened?)
The word that is constantly written, and constantly bothering me, is "resumes." I have been collecting job ads like a crazy, hoarding, pack-rat bag lady, but I have applied to exactly ONE of those jobs. Lately, I am just not inspired to write cover letters and bug people for recommendations. Not inspired to find a creative way to explain an employment gap due to being so sick I could not even check the mail and not knowing what the hell was wrong. Not inspired to examine a past that is not nearly as impressive as it "should" have been, according to my grades and ACT scores and everyone's expectations. Not inspired to wonder whether that great job description is really just a good writer's exaggeration of a position as a coffee-fetching secretary.
But that has to change. Last night, I found the best job posting. Actually, two job postings. Both deal with publishing, but they are very different. One of them sounds better, but I am not sure if I am really, truly qualified. My saving grace is the fact that they ask for work samples, and you'd better believe they are getting the before-and-afters of my current work's newsletters. The job has been open for months, so maybe they will try something a little different.
Besides, what is the worst that can happen? They won't call me. It's not like someone will take the time to call and say "Ha-ha, loser, you thought you could stand a chance, but you are SO unqualified. YOU SUCK!!!"


Because that is something that I would definitely not have to write down to remember. I just would...forever.